Felt With the Heart
by Cheeky Slytherin Lass
Summary: Minerva McGonagall, as told through fifteen nonlinear emotional moments.
1. Hopeful (Minerva and Harry)

_Minerva and Harry, hopeful_

_Word Count: 416_

* * *

Minerva isn't quite sure what to do with herself in the days following the war. There's a castle to rebuild and far too many funerals to attend, and she does what she needs to do.

But there are moments when the grief is too much, when she no longer knows what to do. She sits in her office because it is comfortable, familiar. They tell her she is the new headmistress; it should have been her and not Severus to begin with. Still, she can't bring herself to visit the headmaster's office quite yet.

So she returns to her office and the warmth and comfort that it brings.

There's a knock at the door. Before she can even invite anyone inside, Harry Potter enters, carrying a biscuit tin. "Good afternoon, Professor," he says with a tired smile.

She wonders how much today has shattered his heart. Merlin knows hers is in pieces. At least she isn't hounded by reporter after reported and forced to smile for the bloodthirsty leeches. "Potter," she says fondly, a smile on her lips. "If I had known you were coming, I would have put the kettle on."

"No need," he tells her. "I brought you these."

He sets the biscuits on her desk. Ginger Newts, her favorites.

Minerva wants to laugh. Harry Potter is the savior of the wizarding world, and he's spending his spare time gifting her with biscuits. How strange.

"How are you doing?" he asks.

"I feel like I should be asking you that."

Isn't that her job? There's talk that Harry is going to forego returning to Hogwarts and go straight into law enforcement, but she is still his teacher. She watched him grow from the scrawny, nervous boy into the confident grown man standing before him. She should be checking up on him, not the other way around.

She does laugh now. A soft chuckle escapes her thin lips. Over the past several months, she has been so afraid. The world was falling apart, and all she could see was darkness. Harry is the light she's been waiting for. He has grown into such a great man, and she couldn't be more proud.

Hope tickles her insides. All any professor could ever want is to know she has given her students the tools to change the world. Harry has done that and so much more.

"Professor?"

"I'm fine, dear boy. Couldn't be better," she says as she removes the lid to the tin. "Have a biscuit."


	2. Bored (Minerva and Filius)

_Minerva and Filius, bored _

_Word Count: 536_

* * *

It takes less than a week for the boredom to set in.

Retirement is supposed to signal the start of her golden age. Minerva hears talk from old friends that their life didn't truly begin until they retired. The free time gave them the opportunity to do all the things they never got around to when they were working.

Minerva supposes it has been good for that. She's finally redecorated her kitchen, and she's swapped out the peeling paint in the guest bedroom for a pretty patterned wallpaper. Over the past week, she has finished two books she's been meaning to read for years. She has caught up with old friends and walked down memory lane more times than she can count.

And it isn't enough. Time passes and things done, and Minerva is left with little to no satisfaction. There isn't enough stimulation, and she thinks it might drive her mad.

"Does it ever get easier?" she asks as she tips the kettle, pouring steaming water over the teabags.

Filius chuckles softly and shakes his head. She supposes he is something of an expert on it. He retired five years before her. "Not really," he says. "Not when your mind needs constant stimulation."

It isn't the answer she wants, but she supposes it makes sense. Hogwarts never failed to have something going on. Each day brought some new challenge. During the years when Harry Potter attended, it seemed like the chaos would never stop.

She remembers longing for peace and quiet in those days. She used to convince herself that if she could just get away for a while, maybe she wouldn't explode. But she never even took a sick day because she loved her job and the children; if she's honest with herself now, she would admit that she enjoyed how hectic things could be.

Now, things are quiet and simple. She wakes up and has breakfast before finding little projects and hobbies to entertain herself with. Routine and structure are all fine and well, but she thinks that something is lacking in her life.

"Did you ever think you would make it to retirement?" Filius asks, stirring the milk into his tea. "Truth be told, I assumed you would teach until your heart gave out."

Minerva chuckles and shakes her head. "I am strongly considering it," she tells him. "Sometimes I think that Hogwarts is part of my identity, that it's in my veins just like blood."

"Perhaps it is," her old friend says, sipping his tea with a soft smile on his thin lips. "It is so hard to remember a Hogwarts without you."

Minerva smiles softly before bouncing her leg. She hasn't been this restless since her youth. It isn't that she doesn't enjoy talking to Filius; she just feels a terrible ache all the way in the marrow of her bones, like something needs to happen or she might go mad.

As if he can read her mind, Filius sets his cup aside and hops from his chair, holding his hand up to her. "Perhaps a walk will do you some good, Minerva."

She thinks it will take so much more than a walk, but at least it's a start.


End file.
